Some men

Some men pretend they don't like pets but secretly spoil them. Do you know someone like this? Like a lot of men I know, my gorgeous new husband likes to complain about our dog. (Just to clarify: I mean to say a lot of men I know like to complain about their own family pets. Not all of them complain specifically about our dog. He's a good dog.)

But I digress. Mr B says things like, "He gets in the way of our holiday plans," and "He craps too much on a walk," and "He won't leave me alone - he always wants to sit near me." These comments are generally accompanied by a distinctive screwing up of the face, akin to having recently sucked a particularly sour lemon.

However, I put it to the jury that two out of the three above complaints may possibly be related, both to one another and to Mr B's own actions.

And further, I remind the jury that it was not I who made the dog a bowl of ice cream with fairy sprinkles for dessert last night.